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When God Feels Distant: The Spiritual Crisis of Grief

One of the hardest parts of grief—especially for pastors—is not always the pain of the loss itself. It’s the unsettling silence that sometimes follows. We pray, we cry out, we open our Bibles looking for a word that leaps off the page… and nothing comes. Worship songs feel hollow. Sermons are prepared out of discipline, not delight. The God who once felt so near suddenly seems far away.

If you’ve been in ministry for any length of time, you’ve likely encountered this: the spiritual crisis of grief—those seasons when the presence of God feels hidden and His voice muted.


The Pain No One Prepares You For

As pastors, we are used to being the ones who remind others that “God is near to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18). We’ve preached it with conviction. We’ve prayed it over grieving families. But when grief knocks at our own door, the emotional reality can feel like the opposite.

You might wonder:

  • Why can’t I sense God like I used to?

  • Is my faith slipping?

  • Am I doing something wrong?

  • Why would God feel far away at the moment I need Him most?

These are not unholy questions. They are human ones. Even biblical heroes asked them.


Biblical Voices in the Silence

David

In Psalm 13, David cries:

“How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?” (v. 1)

This isn’t mild disappointment—it’s an accusation of abandonment. And yet, David was still called a man after God’s own heart.

Job

Job, after losing nearly everything, laments:

“If only I knew where to find him; if only I could go to his dwelling!” (Job 23:3)

Job doesn’t deny God exists—he just can’t find Him in the middle of his suffering.

Jesus

Even Jesus, on the cross, echoed Psalm 22:

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt. 27:46)

This wasn’t theological ignorance—it was the genuine cry of a soul experiencing the absence of God’s comforting presence.

These passages show us something vital: Feeling distant from God is not the same as being distant from God.


Why God Sometimes Feels Distant in Grief

When we go through loss, several things can make God’s presence feel less tangible:

  1. Emotional Numbness
    Grief can overload our emotional system, leaving us unable to “feel” anything—even joy or peace.
    This doesn’t mean God is gone; it means your heart is in survival mode.

  2. Spiritual Expectations
    We expect God to show up in certain ways—an instant answer, a supernatural sign, an overwhelming sense of peace. When He doesn’t, we assume He’s absent, even if He’s working in subtler ways.

  3. Unmet Desires
    When the thing we prayed for most didn’t happen—healing, reconciliation, provision—we can subconsciously equate God’s “no” with God’s “not here.”

  4. The Refining Silence
    Sometimes God allows a holy silence not as abandonment, but as formation—teaching us to seek Him beyond feelings.


The Danger of Misreading the Silence

When God feels distant, the enemy whispers lies:

  • “God has left you.”

  • “You’re not spiritual enough.”

  • “Your calling is over.”

  • “You must have done something wrong.”

If we believe these lies, we risk:

  • Pulling away from God rather than pressing in.

  • Faking spiritual passion instead of being honest about our dryness.

  • Overworking in ministry to “earn” God’s nearness again.

But the truth of Scripture is that God’s nearness is a promise, not a feeling.

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5
“Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” – Matthew 28:20


How to Walk Through Seasons When God Feels Far Away

1. Anchor in God’s Word—Even When It Feels Flat

When you can’t feel God, you can still feed on His Word. You may not sense the emotional rush you once did, but the truth still nourishes you. Consider reading short, repeated passages—like Psalm 23, Isaiah 41:10, or John 14—allowing the words to quietly work their way into your spirit.

Therapeutic insight: Repetition creates familiarity, and familiarity can be grounding when your emotions are unstable.

2. Give Yourself Permission to Lament

This ties back to Blog 2—lament is not weakness. If you feel abandoned, tell God. If you’re angry, say it. If you’re tired, admit it. David, Job, and Jeremiah all did, and God honored their honesty.

3. Lean on Borrowed Faith

When your faith feels thin, borrow the faith of others. This could mean asking trusted friends or elders to pray over you, listening to testimonies, or recalling God’s faithfulness in the past.

4. Stay Consistent in Spiritual Practices

Keep showing up in prayer, worship, and Scripture—even when you feel nothing. You are building spiritual muscle memory. Feelings may fade, but habits can carry you through.

Biblical reminder: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest…” – Galatians 6:9

5. Recognize God’s Hidden Work

Sometimes, in grief, God works like roots in winter—beneath the surface. You can’t see the growth yet, but it’s happening. Trust that He’s doing something invisible but vital.


Pastoral Reality: Leading While Feeling Empty

For pastors, the challenge of spiritual dryness in grief is compounded by the need to keep leading. Congregations often expect you to have constant spiritual enthusiasm, but here’s a freeing truth: You can lead well even when you feel low.

How? By leading with authenticity instead of performance. Share with your people (appropriately) that you are in a season of waiting on God. Let them see that faithfulness is not about constant feelings but about steady trust.

Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 4:

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair… always carrying in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.” (vv. 8–10)

Your congregation doesn’t just need your strength—they need your endurance.


The Gift of the “Dark Night of the Soul”

Church history has a phrase for seasons like this: the dark night of the soul. Saints like John of the Cross and Teresa of Ávila spoke of these times when God’s presence seems withdrawn, yet the soul is being refined.

  • It strips away reliance on feelings.

  • It deepens your trust in God’s unchanging character.

  • It teaches you that God is worth seeking even without emotional reward.

As strange as it sounds, the “dark night” is often preparation for greater ministry fruitfulness.


Therapeutic Insight: The Role of Emotional Regulation

From a counseling perspective, grief can dysregulate your nervous system, making it harder to connect with God emotionally. This is not spiritual failure—it’s biology.
Practical steps can help:

  • Breath prayers: Pair slow breathing with Scripture phrases like “Be still and know” (inhale) / “that I am God” (exhale).

  • Nature walks: Creation can be a tangible reminder of God’s ongoing care.

  • Journaling: Even when you can’t feel God, writing prayers keeps the conversation open.


Encouragement for the Waiting

If God feels distant today, let this be your reminder:

  • His love has not lessened.

  • His presence has not left.

  • His plan has not been canceled.

You may not feel Him, but He is closer than you think.

Isaiah 41:10 says:

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Notice—it doesn’t say “you will always feel Me”. It says “I am with you.” That is the truth we cling to when emotions fail us.


Reflection Questions

  1. When was the last time I felt God’s presence in a tangible way? What was happening then?

  2. What expectations of how God “should” show up might I need to release?

  3. How can I remind myself daily that His nearness is a promise, not a feeling?

  4. Who can I invite to carry me in prayer during this season?


Closing Prayer

Lord, when I can’t feel You, remind me that You are still near.
When my prayers feel empty, let me know they are heard.
When I question Your silence, give me faith to wait.
Teach me that my relationship with You is deeper than emotion,
and that even in grief, You are my unshakable refuge.
Amen.



Pastor if you are feeling stretched, discouraged, or just in need of a little guidance, we want you to know—you don’t have to do this alone. At Small Church Guys, we exist to help pastors and churches stay in the game and lead in a healthy, sustainable way. Whether you need a listening ear, practical resources, or leadership support, we’re here for you. Call or message us anytime—we’d be honored to walk alongside you.


Send us a message; we're eager to talk with you!

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